Travelling alone was never new to me. Not that I was being anti-social as usual but I was so hungry for adventure. I made a promise to myself that before I turn a year older, I should go to a place I’ve never been before. Thus, Davao!
It was quite daunting—to be taking a solo trip in an unfamiliar land without so much even just of a hotel reservation—but the idea was to explore. And to explore I did, however, I also had an exploration done internally.
Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my solitude, so much that I developed a sense of recognition that no matter how I try to go with the flow of unprecedented events happening in my life, I will always doubt my purpose and existence. It is neither good nor right to question life, they say, but wouldn’t a little bit of assurance that everything will be okay in the end be nice?
When I started sending a group message to my family telling them that I decided not to take my Civil Service exam and just go to Davao for the weekend, most of their reply was, “Who are you going with?” I told them I was going alone and I knew right there that they were scratching their heads with my impulsiveness.
They were so supportive, though, as they always were, and I am so blessed that they did not question my decision to travel by myself.
My trip wasn’t even as courageous as it could have been—after all, I wasn’t literally by myself, or at least once I arrived in that isolated resort I booked few months before my flight to Davao.
The part that made me a little braver was, I am never a champion at being independent—because I always consult my Papa in every decision I make, except for this one. The question that kept bugging me even before I hopped in the plane was, “What am I doing with my life?”
Perhaps I was being paranoid, crazy and baffled even, but I reminded myself that the trip is an opportunity for me to reflect on life and enjoy my own company.
Sometimes the best travel companion you can have is yourself, and I am a living proof of that scheme. Not that I hate company but giving yourself alone time, especially for an extended period, is a gift that you will eventually learn to relish, I’ve been told.
So while I was enjoying my profound solitude, I appreciated all my mishaps and misadventures. I thought I had my life figured out when I was 19, but at 21 (at the time of my trip), I realized that life does not really offer sugar, spice, and everything nice. That I have to work my heart out even if it means leaving my comfort zone just to pursue grander ambitions. That on top of an 8-5 job while consequently taking up a master’s degree, I should still make time with my close friends and family.
That I will always be terrified with the unknown, and that little voice inside my head will discourage me to nurture myself, but I will find a way to fight the scary thoughts away. Most importantly, I realized that everything takes time, I just have to wait.
At 21, I was still not the woman I dreamt of when I was 19, but at least I am slowly getting there. Now at 22, I am continually empowering myself by unleashing the wonderful, irresistible, and maybe intelligent, smart, and witty person that I am which I have been neglecting in my everyday routine.
There is certain strength in being alone and life is so much better when you stop relying on others, except of course your parents, and start catching your dreams.
Neyziellewanders 