How sweet the sound that saved a wretch like me.
This has been on top of my playlist for the past three weeks now. In that three weeks, I have been thinking about the people who literally meant so much to me when I was younger. I was asking God why I constantly bump with Amazing Grace in social media feed each time I wanted to throw hatred to these people.
Six, seven years ago, we were so close; we were each other’s shield and here we are, trying to backfire as soon as someone is put down secretly. Each time I wanted to do the same, I pray and ask God for peace and again I am led to singing Amazing Grace. Oh t’was grace that taught my heart to fear.
I never wanted to believe the mantra that “we don’t lose friends; we just learn who the true ones are,” because I never wanted to lose friends while I’m distant and trying to figure myself out. Then it dawned on me that it is inevitable.
As I have posted on my Facebook account, the issue was five, six months ago. I didn’t intend to boast and to be mean. I just wanted to sincerely say sorry and humbly ask to settle the misunderstanding, though they were the first to think wrong about me. But it turned out that I’m still the culprit- I became the subject of barkada tsismis.
I never had that tolerance to people whose judgement is so bad that even a simple, “Please take care of yourselves,” was an issue to them. I was even accused of blurting out remarks I can’t even remember saying. But then again, I remember singing, “The Lord has promised good to me. His word my hope secures. He will my shield and portion be as long as life endures.” That time, I knew I was doing the right thing of making a comment once, then leave them thinking why I had to make that choice.
I did not know why I kept singing the same song over and over again until last Friday, I decided to change my playlist. I totally forgot the question of why opportunities insist of that song repeatedly. Until this Sunday, it was one of the songs during our praise and worship time.
I don’t know if it was coincidence but I kept on asking signs from the Lord. Today, I’ll leave the signs hanging there. I was crying during the service because I finally understood why I am saved by His amazing grace. My question, on the other hand, was answered during the service.
The message was about forgiveness.
In my Facebook post, I just wanted them to know that I was offended but I chose to forgive them. I was hurt that I was absentmindedly ridiculed but I chose to try and understand where they were coming from. I chose to forgive just how my Savior has forgiven my sins through His amazing grace.
I did it because I know that I’m undeserving of God’s love; I have taken Him for granted but His love for me is steadfast. He left the 99 sheep in search for the lost one. I am that one. They are lost, I am praying that they will be found anytime soon.
My chains are gone; I’ve been set free. I was blind but now I see.
I may be losing friends but “God who called me here below will be forever mine.”
Also, they were talking about and against a different person now, just so you know.
I was crying during the service because God was giving me signs that seemed unreal and impossible. I know maybe this time, [insert pronoun here] is not meant for me, but I trust His will for me. ~
Neyziellewanders 