Dear Girls, Let’s Be Women Now

What goes around comes back around, they say. But as I lay here on my bed today thinking of what’s there is to happen next, I guess most of the times, it is not happening. Especially when it comes to damn relationships.

It keeps bothering me for the longest time.

1. Why do relationships end?

Because men play the “Don’t text her unless she texts you first” game better than basketball and Dota 2. And if they did send a message, they’ll text you back slower than the snail mail, receiving just one word after two to three or more hours of waiting in agony. That’s utterly disgusting.

And women are doubtful creatures. A single text message means everything. Then there goes the fight, the bringing out of past issues, the yelling, then the breakup.

2. Why is it so easy for men to end it?

Because women are pessimistic. We always look onto the darker side of the world not realizing that they are there to follow our path, to guide us wherever we want to go. To support us in doing it. But then again, they are men. They should always be there to remind us that we are not alone. That they have accepted the responsibility to do things with us because you two are into a relationship.

Women, let us be more matured sometimes. That two people work together to keep the relationship steady. It is not us nor men to blame when bumps in the road make it harder to pass, for you two to get going. You two are responsible. Be matured enough to weigh things, that if it is truly enough to let go, just let it go.

3. Why Do Women Hold On?

We are vulnerable. We are not as strong as we always tell the world. We are fragile. We are the opposite of what we say when we are hurt and just in the edge of a breaking down. We hold on because of the false hopes. Hopes from men’s lies. That they won’t hurt us, will never leave us, will always be there for us. We hold on because, as the song says, when a heart breaks, it doesn’t break even. Because we give more than men deserve, we give not even half of what we can receive from them. We hold on to the memories, the times you (we) spent together.

Women, we are queens. We are the master of our own fate. Let us not let the opposite sex define who we are. And again, what does Rihanna said? Who run the world? Girls! And girls, let us all be women now. Be strong. Don’t hold on if it hurts you the first time the relationship fails. Because you can never fix a broken glass the way it should originally be. Never. Remember that.

God loves you.

Late At Night Note To Self

Years of being in a relationship don’t necessarily result to ending up together. It is normal to always have that bumps in the road, you two work it out, but then it gets tiring you just let it go.

16833418_1428489637161334_1920062334_o

There, I said it.

Over the years, you two have each other. Telling secrets, hanging out, eating everywhere, until one becomes the world of the other. It is not a fair share. One gives it all while the other one is too lax it becomes a one-sided boat- rowing. You always thought you would spend your life with that special someone that you could do anything with. Have other half on your bed, which is now a bedroom that is mostly empty at night. You take the risk of losing your friends. Taking the risk of everything. But you realized it’s not worth it. It was never worth it.

You say you love him, you don’t get a message back. Now tell me, how difficult it could be?

Woman, you are allowed to be angry.

There are many times when people have bad days. Those times of fighting over senseless things, yelling at each other, no text replies, no calls, cold nights and cold hearts; those times of finding the most harsh words to say because all you want is to put an end to what you have; and you both did. But at the end, you’ll always end up forgiving each other.

Then comes the wrong timing of separation. When you are sad, crying, alone and down, you always go back to the conversations you did not erase from your mobile phone. You open his Facebook account, send him a message of what is going through your life even if it means being pathetic because he won’t have an access to read it, you wait and hope and dream.

The point is, it was pointless.

Because the moment he got his belongings back, it was as if you were not existing. It was the worst feeling.

So would you blame?

People change, they say. But no, people don’t change, their feelings do, even more when they are neglected, taken for granted and worst, rejected.

Women are skeptical. We always play the role of a devil’s advocate. We look at the negative side of something beautiful. We have the sense of feeling something is wrong. We ask questions we already know the answer. And at times, if not most, guys lie.

But men, remember that you are not the only Adam living in this world. What you can’t do, somebody else will. Be careful on who you are dumping, because someone better sees her as a gem.

Because a woman, when she founds someone who calms her spirit and quiets her busy thoughts, ends up looking for another comfort zone. And if she does found that someone who loves her fiercely, it defies even his own logical reasoning, ideals and beliefs that she once lost because of a wrong detour called relationship.

NOTE TO SELF: You just wanted someone you could talk to, and you, for all the reasons in the universe, were longing for that company you haven’t received for a long time. Sorry, but your father said you’re a Princess, not a soldier, so don’t push for something you already long gave up while fighting.

 Now, sleep. Someone better is happy to have you.

They be they, but they aren’t you.

I don’t know. But I feel like I need to burst my frustrations, hatred and negative vibes out tonight.

I should be on my way back to Baguio with my Mom, but I am so lonely that I can’t stand being lonelier and alone in my apartment there.

I miss my dog. So much that I am crying while I am typing this because I don’t know what to feel anymore. I miss my dog js bcos I am used to sleeping at night with him here on my bed whenever I come home from Baguio. I miss him bcos I need someone to hug right at this very moment js bcos I feel so left out and alone. I miss him so much bcos he is my comfort zone.

Image

I miss him because I am not used to going out wherever in our barangay without him. I remember how I usually try to shove him back to our house but still find him following my track everytime.

Image

I miss how he falls asleep on my lap; how he sleeps while I read my books on the swing outside our house; how he calmly sleeps just to wait for me as I take a bath; I miss his being a sleepy- head.

I miss him because he is the only one I can dance with. The only one I can sing my heart out, the only one who can assure me that whatever I am going through, everything will be okay.

Image

You see? I haven’t cried a long time, not even because of wasted relationships nor failed attempts of acing the quiz in class. But I am crying tonight, just tonight, because tonight would be the last. I hope.

Image

I miss my dog, I won’t trade him for anything. But what can I do? He’s gone. And only I can make the best out of it.

My dog taught me lessons in life. And that I will never forget.

Image

I know he’s happy with Fluffy wherever he is now. I am happy, too. Just because I need to. Because in another life, he’ll be my dog again.

I need to stop crying.

But Santa, can I have Jiggy back for Christmas, please?