To all the Kids I Bullied, I’m Sorry

I saw a kid bullying another kid while I was on my way to UP today. I was so tired because I only had roughly 4 hours of sleep from the long weekend because of school requirements that I had to finish. I was also running late but still I approached them because this bully is obviously far bigger than the kid he was hurting. I told him to stop, he did and he ran as if he was afraid of me.

This boy (the bullied one) looked up at me teary-eyed. I told him it was okay, I told him to stand up for himself next time. I left burdened because I remember, I was a bully (Yes, it consequentially manifests sometimes).photo-1421986527537-888d998adb74I absentmindedly walked to the IKOT terminal in Philcoa and I suddenly remembered what a pastor preached at church two Sundays ago. I murdered some kids’ self-esteem, I deprived them of their chances to grow.

I thought I am okay now that I have forgiven all the people who did me wrong from the past, but it dawned on me that I am not, because I still did not forgive the elementary kid me—the competitive, always the President of the class, leader of the pact, stubborn Alpha kid, that was me.

To all the kids I bullied and have wronged for when I was in elementary, I am sorry. I am not writing this blog post to justify what I did, I am writing this to wholeheartedly ask for your forgiveness. Because I am tired from struggling to find what has been bothering me, little did I know that it’s internal and no one’s to blame but me.

Sorry that I was the bossy one, sorry that I thought highly of myself. Sorry, I didn’t realize how much hatred I put into your hearts, sorry that I only became your ‘friend’ if others were bullying you, too. Sorry for the times when you tried to reach out for me and I was so distant because of my ego. I’m really sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t know you were hurting.

And to my friends who were caught between doing what I wanted them to do or staying neutral when it comes to my bullying plans, I am also very sorry. Thank you, though, for still standing up for me when the need rises. See, I’m still strong and always one of the boys. ~ *fistbump*

Sorry that I never said sorry when I had the time, sorry that it’s only now. I am so sorry. I know some of you will be reading this because despite of what I did to you, you still smile at me sincerely and tell me that I am inspiring you for what I am doing whenever we bump into each other. Thank you for remaining true to me at times that I didn’t return the favour.

Let’s catch up soon.

I thought it was fun to bully the people who seemed to be afraid of me, now, I realize that I was never happy, I was the one who is lonely.

To all the kids I bullied, please forgive me so I can finally forgive myself.

50 Questions x 50 answers ~

1: What would you name your future daughter?

  • Jinien Ronle

2: Do you miss anyone?

  • I miss my Papa more than anyone else

3: What if I told you that you were pretty?

  • I never believed that phrase ever since 1993

4: Ever been told “it’s not you, it’s me”?

  • No.

5: What are you looking forward to in the next week?

  • Nothing. I’m a bum.

6: Did you go out or stay in last night?

  • Stayed and watched a feel-good movie with my favourite people

7: How late did you stay up last night?

  • 12, I think

8: Honestly, has anyone seen you in your underwear in the past 3 months?

  • No

9: What were you doing at 12:30 this afternoon?

  • Youth fellowship in church

10: Have you ever told somebody you loved them and not actually meant it?

  • No because when I tell someone ‘I love you’, there’s no question asked. I mean it a lot.

11: Could you go for the rest of your life without drinking alcohol?

  • Of course. I don’t drink (duuuh)

12: Have you pretended to like someone?

  • Yas, and just let it out after. Dude, I’m a storm, I devastate.

13: Could you go the rest of your life without smoking a cigarette?

  • Yes, I don’t smoke, never did, and don’t intend to.

14: Is there one person in your life that can always make you smile?

  • Yaaaas.

15: Is it hard for you to get over someone?

  • I easily fall for someone and also easily get over [them].

16: Think back five months ago, were you single?

  • Yes

17: Have you ever cried from being so mad?

  • To the highest point of being mad, yes.

18: Hold hands with anyone this week?

  • Nope

19: Did your last kiss take place in/on a bed?

  • I can’t even remember the last one but definitely none of the above

20: Who did you last see in person?

  • My cousin

21: What is the last thing you said out lot?

  • “I’m okay.”

22: Have you kissed three or more people in one night?

  • Nope

23: Have you ever been to Paris?

  • Not yet. Soon.

24: Are you good at hiding your feelings?

  • I perfected the art of doing so

25: Do you use chap stick?

  • Noooo! I don’t even know how to properly apply a lip gloss.

26: Who did you last share a bed with?

  • My cousin

27: Are you listening to music right now?

  • No

28: What is something you currently want right now?

  • A legit DSLR. A camera for my Journalism classes.

29: Were your last three kisses from the same person?

  • Uhm, yea (?)

30: How is your heart lately?

  • Healed

31: Do you wear the hood on your hoodie?

  • Yep

32: When was the last time a member of the opposite sex hugged you?

  • I don’t know

33: What do people call you?

  • Nikki

34: Have you ever wanted to tell someone something but didn’t?

  • I always do

35: Are there any stressful situations in your life?

  • Technically work and school?

36: What are you listening to right now?

  • Our God is greater by Chris Tomlin

37: What is wrong with you right now?

  • I don’t know. Maybe I over think a lot.

38: Love really is a beautiful thing huh?

  • When you get that love in return, dude.

39: Do you make wishes at 11:11?

  • I pray.

40: What is on your wrists right now?

  • A wristwatch on my left. Yes, no blade marks.

41: Are you single/taken/heartbroken/confused/waiting for the unexpected?

  • Single

42: Where did you get the shirt/sweatshirt you’re wearing?

  • I bought it in Hawaii

43: Have you ever regretted kissing someone?

  • Yep

44: Have you hugged someone within the last week?

  • Change it to two weeks ago, I hugged my cousins who already went home to Hawaii.

45: Have you kissed anyone in the last five days?

  • I haven’t for the last three years

46: What were you doing at midnight last night?

  • Watching a movie? Sleeping? I didn’t have the sense of time

47: Do you miss the way things were six months ago?

  • At work, yes. But I’m totally fine now.

48: Would you rather sleep with someone else or alone?

  • Depends on who the someone is but because I’m better off alone, I choose alone.

49: Have you ever been to New York?

  • Not yet, it’s in my bucket list

50: Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

  • I believe my girl best friend really meant it

An Open Letter to Bombo Vicky of Bombo Radyo Laoag

We were hurt, no, we are hurting. And by ‘we’ I mean, me, my brothers, and the rest of our family.

You see, Ma’am, I’m living here in the metro and my brother called me earlier this morning — which he usually doesn’t do unless it is some kind of emergency — to burst his frustrations, pain, and hurting out.

I am writing this letter as my teacher in one of my MA classes is discussing about I don’t know what because my mind wanders to my brothers back home who are hurt by the words you broadcasted about our mom.

I am writing this open-letter — being the eldest child of three — for the woman you condemned on-air and whom we admire so much.

I’m writing this open-letter in favor of you, Ma’am. As a journalist, it’s against the code of ethics, but let me present, just like what you did, a one-sided story. It’s just that, this time, it’s my mother’s.

I am writing this letter, without my mom knowing, because she told me earlier that it’s okay, and I just let it be, let it pass. But, Ma’am, I can’t. Because the woman you just insensitively degraded and insulted on air is the same woman who works hard to put food on our table. The woman who sends me and my brothers to school though it means sacrificing her luxuries she mostly deserves.

Ma’am, this is my mom’s side and because you impulsively aired the other’s without stating disclaimers and without prior verification, I choose to write it in the most restpectful way I can.

Dear Ma’am Vicky, my mother is the most compassionate person you can possibly meet in entire humanity. If, just like what you said, you think that she is unethical, has no manners, and I don’t know what negativities more, I’m telling you, you’re thinking — or you thought– wrong.

The incident, my Mom said, happened last Tuesday. She was goofing around with the nurses, and she teased, as she always does, this woman — whoever she is — by pouring an empty bottled water above her head.

To clear things out, it’s empty, but it is inevitable that a drop would come from the container — no elaboration needed, just pure common sense.

Again, it was empty, in contrast of what you told the public that my Mom poured a glass full of water to *whoever she is*. If it is true, my Mom should be suspended by that rude act by now.

I am writing this open-letter, in behalf of my Mom, to say sorry for bonding with her colleagues. We are sorry that Mom does not make a bad record when it comes to her co-workers, and we are sorry that she is deeply loved by her fellows. Most importantly, we are sorry that a droplet of water had the woman’s hair a bit wet. We already debriefed our mom to never do such an act, ever again. But we are not going to say sorry for what we think about your impulsive broadcasting.

What would you feel if you are accused of being involved in a love triangle, knowing full well that you have a loving husband and children, who for the first time in their entire existence, heard the unimaginable news on a live broadcast, early in the morning, while getting ready to go to school?

What do you think will your children do to further process this information? I don’t know if you have children because if you don’t, I’ll understand why you don’t think even for a second before you speak these kind of social issues publicly. Because from what I observe everytime I come home in the province is that you don’t consider the feelings of the people that may be involved and hurt with your words.

I grew up having Bombo Radyo as my alarm [clock] every morning because my grandmother always wants to hear news from your station. So, thank you, still, for existing.

However, ma’am, in case you forgot, let me tell you again the news values that we, as journalists, must live with, ideally, so to speak.

The news about my Mom only falls under human interest, in the side of conflict and I acknowledge that. However, you missed one value, the significance (of the matter) or what we also call [social] relevance. It also seems that you did not consider the professional standard side which includes accuracy, completeness, fairness, and balance in your script.

I also want to reiterate about ethical standards in the part of justice, but I am not going to add detail about it because I am hoping that through this writing, we are going to have the justice that you– with the person who reported the disinformation to you– unconsciously and deliberately took away from our family.

I remember what my professor in Media Law class said earlier today and I quote, “False information has the capacity to lodge themselves in the minds of the people,” and that just happened because of your cavalier. So, don’t blame me, Ma’am, if I state the obvious, that what you practiced in my Mom’s case is a selective broadcast journalism. Excerpts from the Culture IndustryThis is one-sided, and I don’t care, because I’m copying what you did. The only difference is that the whole region heard your rants and degrading opinion that caused my Mom’s dignity as a leader, a friend, and a woman who’s always in service to humanity falter a bit.

That, Ma’am, I am telling you now, has been the bad consequence/s of what you reported on air.

This is one-sided because I am joining your bandwagon, the status quo you set as a standard in Ilocos Norte broadcast journalism. But this is the first and I promise, my last.

I am writing this because we are hurt, no, we are hurting.. And because we don’t want other sons and daughters to feel the dread we are currently feeling now just because of your irrelevant shouting and snide remarks on air.. And I, again, end with emphasis, without prior verification.

Ma’am, this is the other side of the story. You’re welcome.

Sincerely,
A daughter who can’t just be silent while her Mom is being accused of unverified news from unreliable sources ~