I have been lying a lot about my life lately to avoid people being concerned.
It’s dreadful, isn’t it? Having a heart full of dreams and aspirations in a body filled with dread and frustrations.
I don’t want to lose, but I don’t want to live like this either.
It’s draining. It’s overwhelming. It’s overpowering. It’s more than the most negative thing we could ever imagine. Because everyday is just another waking day of trying to survive, pretending that I am mentally stable to do life.
I stopped sending SOS messages. Most of the time, I cry with little to no help from other people. I just move on to do the works I need to do just because I have to– because no matter how much they say they will always be there for me when I need them, my anxiety tells me otherwise.
The voice inside my head always sells me out.
“Courage, dear heart. Courage.” This has been my mantra for the past weeks of deliberately choosing to be alone just because I don’t want to bother anyone.
Sometimes it works. Most of the time, I am making a fool of myself. Such a waste of time daydreaming and never really start growing.
But then, how do I grow when the drive to live is sometimes not enough to keep me sane? How do I navigate through being the old me, when I don’t even know how to act my age these days? How many times should I remind myself that I am worthy, precious, loved, and favored, before I start really believing them?
May you finally have the courage to pursue the dream you paused.
No matter what it is, I pray that you never dismiss it. It may take a long time for you to realize that dream, but all it takes is a baby step towards its fruition. One step at a time, yes?
I finally understood what it meant to be hungry.. of our goals, aspirations, and dreams.
Stay Hungry.
Jackson Wang
When I started following and looking up to the had work and passion of Jackson Wang (GOT7 x Team Wang), I knew I was up for more than an idol ride.
He always ended his greetings and social media posts with “Stay Hungry. Let’s Make History“, and I contemplated what he meant on the onset. I lived with that motto since then, but I knew deep down that I haven’t grasped even the tiniest idea on how to become hungry like he does. Until I started reading Haikyuu’s manga.
I remember vividly in Chapter 282, when Hinata received the ball perfectly for the first time. Karasuno weren’t able to snatch that point, so they had to take a time-out. Everyone in Karasuno was so down– they were tired and thinking that they cannot lose against Inarizaki, and as if on cue, Hinata shocked the team with his enthusiasm. He said:
It took me a long time to process the intensity of Hinata’s eagerness. This fictional character exudes greatness, the power of reckless enthusiasm that bring out the best out of people around him. I wanted to be Shoyo, I wanted to have his good but chaotic life that sees nothing but the end point of becoming better, stronger.
But what caught me more was the next scene—- that scene from Miya Osamu, 1/2 of the Miya twins.
Chapter 282. Read from R-L.
It’s like eating rice. You have rice multiple times every day, but you start feeling hungry again straight after. Every time you eat rice, you feel happiness. You can eat rice on repeat as many time as you like, but the degree of happiness you feel won’t go down at all.
Did you know, when you’re hungry, and you eat a small mouthful of something.. IT MAKES YOU EVEN HUNGRIER.
Miya Asumo (Haruichi Furudate)
What I am just trying to say is, we, as humans, are perpetually hungry. But some of us are even hungrier.
We aspire to be the top student in the class, and when we reach it, suddenly we want to be the very best in the whole school. We want to be a senior manager, and when we have the position, we aim for an even higher rank. We win a regional volleyball match, but it is never enough– we now want to fight in the nationals.
We set high goals for ourselves, and when we achieve it, we want to open a new path for an even bigger, more daunting goal.
We are the ones who crave for greatness, power, and the view from the top.
We get even stronger with the constant fear of actual defeat. We draw courage from our weakness at times we need it the most. We refuse to be a captive of our comfort zones. Above all else, we have a strong and genuine desire to to never settle for the ordinary.
So we start chasing passion, pursing dreams that we have been yearning for since we can remember. We respond to change. We accept and fight challenges that come our way. We fail and fail and fail, but at the end of the day, we still take the first step towards success. Next thing we know, we resist to fear.
So this is what it means to be hungry: We fight battles more than once to win them. Because when we win. we get even hungrier.
The world offers endless chances, breakthroughs, and possibilities. There’s not enough time to be full. We need to be constantly feeding our mind and soul because self growth is tender. There is no greater investment than ourselves. It’s high time to focus on the best version of you: A hungry one forging her way to the top.
That’s how we win this game. This is how we make history.
Neyziellewanders 