Author: Neyzielle Ronnicque

Cry all you want, accept that you make mistakes, that you’re a human; bawl like a baby if you like, but never cry for the very same reason again.

It wasn’t easy, was it? To hold your tears for hours, to assure yourself that you’re okay, that the situation isn’t eating you up, only to breakdown with a simple “I am so sorry that the world is this cruel to you, love”. And just like that, your anxieties ate you alive.

People make mistakes, remember that.

Maybe not the mistake that involves too much damage control, but people make mistakes because it is a part of life. Everyday is a decision-making game, and mistakes are inevitable; and if in that very thick chance you happen to make one, you must own it and take full responsibility to make things better.

One mistake doesn’t mean you’re a failure, my love. You know this deep down, but you still cry, so please do so.

You cry because you cannot remember the last time you made a very big one, you cry because it made you feel like a failure, and you cry because you felt helpless. Love, it’s okay. You’re okay. All you have to do is move.

Move. Go to the gym. Run. Paint your nails black. Paint something abstract in a canvass. Drink a double chocolate Frappuccino. Fill your notebook with doodles. Write anything in your journal. And cry. Because crying is moving, too.

All you have to do is do not think too much about it. It is going to be hard, but do not think too much about it.

You are okay, you are going to be okay.

This has been a messy, chaotic, unhealthy, financially-draining if not exhausting, mentally-depriving, and spiritually-challenging year. A roller-coaster ride is an understatement. It was a long, winding, rough, turbulent-heavy airplane ride with a lot of crashing and taking off, only to come crashing in the middle of the flight again. I had to damsel-in-distress most of my situations, and I wouldn’t want to have any of it in 2020. Not again.

There was a lot of self-saving, and a lot more crying to/with people I trust. I had to constantly reassure myself that what I am doing is at par with God’s timing but the universe kept on conspiring and kicking me to the dirt. It didn’t keep me grounded. It all the more made me insecure about the future. Worse, I kept on spiraling, and it was a series of never-ending self-doubt along with staying still, without really doing anything to come out of the invasives.