This year has always been about reminding myself that if I was brave enough to start, I’ll thrive.
I oftentimes push myself to the very edge of my capacity whenever I wonder if I am worthy of the paths and tracks I decided to take in my life. My choices are endless, they are available at every turn, but I tend to take it all for granted and give in to self-destruction.
Continue reading “Another Year Thriving”
I finally understood what it meant to be hungry.. of our goals, aspirations, and dreams.
Stay Hungry.
Jackson Wang
When I started following and looking up to the had work and passion of Jackson Wang (GOT7 x Team Wang), I knew I was up for more than an idol ride.
He always ended his greetings and social media posts with “Stay Hungry. Let’s Make History“, and I contemplated what he meant on the onset. I lived with that motto since then, but I knew deep down that I haven’t grasped even the tiniest idea on how to become hungry like he does. Until I started reading Haikyuu’s manga.
I remember vividly in Chapter 282, when Hinata received the ball perfectly for the first time. Karasuno weren’t able to snatch that point, so they had to take a time-out. Everyone in Karasuno was so down– they were tired and thinking that they cannot lose against Inarizaki, and as if on cue, Hinata shocked the team with his enthusiasm. He said:
It took me a long time to process the intensity of Hinata’s eagerness. This fictional character exudes greatness, the power of reckless enthusiasm that bring out the best out of people around him. I wanted to be Shoyo, I wanted to have his good but chaotic life that sees nothing but the end point of becoming better, stronger.
But what caught me more was the next scene—- that scene from Miya Osamu, 1/2 of the Miya twins.
It’s like eating rice. You have rice multiple times every day, but you start feeling hungry again straight after. Every time you eat rice, you feel happiness. You can eat rice on repeat as many time as you like, but the degree of happiness you feel won’t go down at all.
Did you know, when you’re hungry, and you eat a small mouthful of something.. IT MAKES YOU EVEN HUNGRIER.
Miya Asumo (Haruichi Furudate)
What I am just trying to say is, we, as humans, are perpetually hungry. But some of us are even hungrier.
We aspire to be the top student in the class, and when we reach it, suddenly we want to be the very best in the whole school. We want to be a senior manager, and when we have the position, we aim for an even higher rank. We win a regional volleyball match, but it is never enough– we now want to fight in the nationals.
We set high goals for ourselves, and when we achieve it, we want to open a new path for an even bigger, more daunting goal.
We are the ones who crave for greatness, power, and the view from the top.
We get even stronger with the constant fear of actual defeat. We draw courage from our weakness at times we need it the most. We refuse to be a captive of our comfort zones. Above all else, we have a strong and genuine desire to to never settle for the ordinary.
So we start chasing passion, pursing dreams that we have been yearning for since we can remember. We respond to change. We accept and fight challenges that come our way. We fail and fail and fail, but at the end of the day, we still take the first step towards success. Next thing we know, we resist to fear.
So this is what it means to be hungry: We fight battles more than once to win them. Because when we win. we get even hungrier.
The world offers endless chances, breakthroughs, and possibilities. There’s not enough time to be full. We need to be constantly feeding our mind and soul because self growth is tender. There is no greater investment than ourselves. It’s high time to focus on the best version of you: A hungry one forging her way to the top.
That’s how we win this game. This is how we make history.
Courage, love. Yearn for it.
First things first: Invasives are cruel.
These past few weeks — tsk, months maybe— have been about flattening everyone else’s emotions. It was about being scared and vulnerable; about hiding sentiments, and constantly facing fears I never knew existed. It has been very terrifying. Enough to tear down the defenses I struggled to build long time.
I know, deep down, that I am never meant to carry these alone. But silence is more bearable than asking people to sway with me in this position.
Invasives get heavy. Tonight, they come in waves, and I am drowning.
I’m very tired, but I don’t want to sleep. I’ve got a lot to do, things that I always postponed for some future date, in the date when I thought life would last forever. Things I’d lost interest in, when I started to believe life wasn’t worth living.
Paulo Coelho, Veronika Decides To Die
So, what about it? What gives?
Life is fair, but it can be a whole lot unfair, too. Our society imposes collective ways of behaving, and it– most of the time– forces me to think hard about how to deal with my life. Some days, I come out strong, but most days, I feel oh, so weak.
My heart told me this is just a passing phase. Personal growth comes with challenges and unsteadiness and breakdowns and awful adulthood decisions. It inevitably comes with a price, and I have no choice but to pay it without complaints. But right now, I need to come out of my delirium. The world will not stop spinning just because I stop functioning.
What is both terrible and beautiful about this world is it’s forever changing, so it gives me a reason to never be stagnant, not to be stuck, and to never stay perpetually still. I am all allowed to be fierce yet fragile, to be soft yet strong, to bend without breaking, and to rise without falling.
Ah, scrap that. I will rise and fall, but I will pick up the phase and start running towards my end goal, over and over again. I have nothing to lose, so I am living my life the way I want it to be.
I will always remind myself that invasives can get pretty heavy, and it’s okay to feel weak sometimes. It’s okay to be scared and tired and crying, to feel hopeless and dreadful, to push through the pain, to be one step ahead of my game, or to lay back down and think about my next great move to jump start living again.
So, what about it? Nothing. This is just a friendly reminder that the invasives will come and go, so deal with it as much and as long as you can. It is a natural process to finding your strength again.
Over and over again.
Neyziellewanders 