Author: Neyzielle Ronnicque

She has a wanderfilled way of becoming her dreams.

Thanks for not asking

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I realized that I am always asking other people if they are okay — a lot.

Even if I know that they are completely fine, I still ask, “How’s it going?” or “You okay, really?” and I guess I actually sound incorrigibly annoying.

It’s like I’m seeking attention when all I really wanted is to ask them about their day.12528064_955269807898112_1836164770_nI don’t know, it became more of my nature these days, a habit even — asking everyone about their day and if I can do something to make it better even if it seems they don’t find it okay to be continually answering me.

But just tonight, as I am sipping my cup of milk tea while writing something on my journal, I think I found the answer. Now I know why I do this.

Because when I am falling apart and I think my world would collapse anytime sooner..

No one ever asked me if I am okay.

Dear you, thank you for not asking because I figured out that you did not contribute in me throwing my life in a chaos. Thank you for not asking because you made me realize that maybe, just maybe, you are my friend only when you need something from me.

Guess I am branded with a feeling of insecurity.

“Some friends don’t understand this. They don’t understand how desperate I am to have someone say, I love you and I support you just the way you are because you’re wonderful just the way you are. They don’t understand that I can’t remember anyone ever saying that to me. I am so demanding and difficult for my friends because I want to crumble and fall apart before them so that they will love me even though I am no fun, lying in bed, crying all the time, not moving. Depression is all about If you loved me you would.” – Elizabeth Wurtzel, Prozac Nation

So this is what loneliness feels like. There is a peculiar sensation knowing I have felt it before– a long time– and it dawned on me that it has always been there, hiding beneath the strong face I always try to carry. It feels so familiar that I somehow forgot that it is a part of me.

Thank you for not asking because I am surrounded with all of you people but nothing hurts than knowing that I am still alone and you are not going to be there when I need someone to talk with.

Thank you for not asking.

“I will be okay.” Is that what you really want to hear from me?

Life Anniversary

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One year ago today, I thought I was gonna lose my life from the hands of a group that breaks away (from government protocol) to fight for their community ideologies.

Around this time last year, I was taking a video of the slippery road at the back of the military truck the girls in the team were riding.

Around this time last year, I sat unconsciously flabbergasted by the continous gunshots that filled the air in that mountain community of far-flung Iloilo.

Gunshots coming from the soldiers and the “insurgents” lasted for almost 15 minutes, which by the way felt like eternity. We hid behind one of the wheels of the truck praying full well that it can hide us from the eyes of the rebels. It miraculously did, tho, until kuya Edwin found a house whose members were brave enough to temporarily shelter us.

This day last year, I did not have a “working” phone because as you all know my phone was stolen and I didn’t have any prepaid load because my plan expired the same day. So while we were in the house hiding from the rebels, I asked one of my colleagues to let me send a message to my mom.

The first thing I said was, “Mom, please send me a load. I’m dying,” and I came to know after that mom nearly fainted.

Around this time last year, I witnessed how God protects His children.

Their ambush failed. They may have inflicted fear in us but they didn’t know how brave we’ve become. Because this day last year, I’ve found brave men and women who will never deviate from their compassion to serve other people though an impending threat is lurking just around the corner.

Happy life anniversary, #IloiloPristim! ☺:) Dapa. Talon. Gapang! 💪

Hmm. No weapons formed against me shall stand. So, why do I fear? ☺

One Year Ago Today

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One year ago today, I was that kid pretending to be silent sitting in one of the vacant chairs in this Corporate Communication room/ office. We were only three in the team that time and I was still grasping things about the organization and its people in general.

One year ago today, I am wearing the same Vans shoes that I remember looking at for too long because I was thinking of how in the earth did I write three articles in five hours. I was in complete awe of my capabilities then.

One year ago today, they told me that I am going to Iloilo for a week-long medical mission.

One year ago today, I have learned that there is so much more to learn in giving service to the humanity. That my years of constant service to the community being the President of different academic organizations; the Sangguniang Kabataan Chairman of our barangay; and the Auxiliary Lady Chancellor of my sorority was a training ground for me not to be maarte in a lot of things.

And one year ago today, I officially had my first job that opened my eyes to what a service-oriented woman should be.

After one year, I finally let go of my brat, cynical, and maldita sides.

After a year, I have learned how to let go of things that [I have realized] don’t have any vital role in my life. I developed self-control; and I encouraged myself to be extra patient and understanding before dealing with inconsequential events.

I realized in my one year in OB that I need to treasure relationships and treat everybody as if they are members of my family because I do not know the battles they are dealing with.

That there is more to writing stories than doing it for the sake of meeting the quota. Because writing for OB means inspiring change for the people to know that there exists a foundation that unselfishly extend their help to care for the needy.

I love my [first] work and I wouldn’t trade it for anything else. Because this day last year, I finally found a part of myself that is worth living.