Author: Neyzielle Ronnicque

First things first, why?

I thought we had this unwritten agreement to not fall in love with each other because we were both content of just being best of friends?

I remember this one time, when we were goofing around, and you suddenly stopped, looked at me in the eyes, and told me I will never be the type of girl you will fall in love with—because I’m loud, I have a lot of dramas and rants in life, and I am far to what your dream girlfriend is like – then why?You constantly reminded me that I have some sort of irresponsible mischief-style when I use my time because I have a bad decision-making skill—changing plans in a spur of the moment.

You always nag me to dress and act like a girl but also scold me when I do. You always find out something wrong about the guys checking on me and I thought that was just your way of protecting me. I misunderstood your acts all along.

I know that you always choose to hang out with me over your girlfriend and even your squad whenever I come home for a vacation. We both agreed that there is nothing wrong with that. Your girlfriend even hated me because you consequently ditched your usual movie time together just to drive me to the beach or to the mountains to do nothing but take my selfies.

I actually thought that I am more important than her because you always turn to me when things between you guys are in chaos. You even told me that she doesn’t behave the way I do and she hates the things I love. The comparison was so overwhelming that I told you to focus more on making your relationship work. It did, my God, it did.

She blocked me on Facebook, deleted my number on your contact list, and even forced you to change your number because she didn’t want you communicating with me. I didn’t know what exactly happened but you found your way back to me, telling me you broke up with her because you can no longer put up with her childish acts, you silly.

Your parents also let you go out with me even if I’m still outside your house to ask for their permission. I am your best friend and I am an honorary member of your family, remember?

What am I just trying to say is, I am your best friend, as I am a best friend to the other men inside our clique, but why did you fall in love with me?

They say that the most heartbreaking breakup is not of a couple but of best friends. Man, they were right all along.

I asked you if you were sedated, barren, or something when you dropped the bomb because I was not ready to know it yet. I was not really expecting it to come from you.

Yes, you know this is not the first time it happened. You knew guys who were also my best friends telling me the exact feelings as you do, and you also knew that I didn’t have any second thought of turning them all down. So why did you even bother?

You are my best friend. Your idea of fun and mine is completely compatible. We were always there for each other and we were each other’s crying shoulder. But why, why did you fall in love with me?

There is a persistent haunting feeling of wanting you back, not because I don’t have anyone to tell my problems to anymore but because I miss you, I miss us. Can I have my best friend back?

It is in my solitude that reminds me of the love that calms my raging soul because lately I always run empty-handed and crestfallen. Those times, invariably though, I know nothing but to pray that I’ll meet or know you soon so I’ll finally have someone to share my agonies with—but I often hear a ‘Not yet.”

Who am I to go against that plan?Dear God’s best, I just want to let you know that right now, I am deeply loved, protected, secured, and cared for. He is always there to compensate for your absence and I’m enjoying the company, I will always do.

He is also my constant reminder that when I fall, I must get up, stand straight, and keep going because it’s a part of learning. He gives me the wisdom of dealing gracefully with trials so here I am, still fighting.

Whenever I think that I am a failure, He is always there to make me understand that it’s a part of what life has to offer. He also gives me strength each time I run out of life’s batteries so don’t worry about me, I’m always renewed and charged every single day.

Each time I want to just shout and throw things to the wall, I am reminded to kneel and pray. He listens, always. He never did once blame me for acting insane and obscure. He understands my thoughts, albeit I am reluctant of the trust.

He is my fortress, my refuge, my strong tower so be it. He is my crying shoulder because God’s best, I always cry like a baby. I’m sensitive that even a kid begging in the street can stir my emotions. That, which is often the case, hurts me and next thing I know, I’m shedding a tear.

He never abandoned me when I needed a company. I hope you’ll be like that when it’s finally the right time for you to know me.

His heart is breaking when mine does, I know because I’m constantly reminded that He loves me too. More than I love myself, even.

I know that you love Him too, maybe even before I did and I just want to thank you in advance for understanding my love to the One who died on the cross for us.

Please remember that God owns my heart and you will always have to deal with that. I am not saying that I don’t need you, I do, but not yet. For now, though, my King remains on his throne.

God’s best, He loved me first.

To my God’s will ~