Neyzielle Ronnicque

Dreadful Today

Published on February 19, 2016February 19, 2016 by Neyzielle RonnicqueLeave a comment

I feel so bad about myself tonight because I wasn’t able to take the exam for one of my MA classes. Call me nuts or crazy but it is the academic exam that I did not take for the first time since nursery.

So there goes the dread.

Everything seemed out of place and out of time today.

We were supposed to leave early to buy goods but we overslept. Comes breakfast, the much-awaited omelette cannot be served on time because there was a power interruption in the egg station of the hotel.

We made a fast track of buying pasalubong of just anything because we were thinking about our companions whom we made plans of going altogether to the airport only to find out that they went ahead of us without even notifying us.

Then the unexpected came. There was a grass fire over the vicinity of the airport causing zero visibility from above the airport. Our 10am flight was moved to 11 then to 1:30 PM. We aboard the plane at 1:30, alright, but we were notified when everyone was inside the plane that due to the airway traffic, we were set to take off at 2:30, nothing left to do but to oblige.

How can I calm the raging thoughts inside my head when all I was thinking was the exam that can cost me an incomplete final grade?

I don’t really know my point here. I just need an outlet to voice my frustrations, sadness, rage, and disappointments out. I feel like crap just because I was not able to catch my 5:30 class and my teacher told my classmate that I should have cancelled my flight to GenSan. Wow. As if I was a fortune teller to be knowing of the future.

What is not there to understand that there was a grassfire earlier today in GenSan so domestic flights were delayed? Why do I have to explain myself when I don’t have any choice in the matter? What part of a “grassfire incident” does my teacher cannot understand?

I feel so bad about myself tonight because I am no longer allowed to take an exam because she does not even have the slightest consideration of what happened to me/us today. I feel so bad because I was not able to catch my class to take my exam when I could have. I feel so bad because I am so tired and exhausted and I still have a report and another exam tomorrow but I am here writing my blog post about how I feel bad about myself tonight.

So this is what depression with rage looks like. I feel so bad.

Solo in Davao pt. 3 | Enjoying Solitude

Published on January 24, 2016January 24, 2016 by Neyzielle RonnicqueLeave a comment

Travelling alone was never new to me. Not that I was being anti-social as usual but I was so hungry for adventure. I made a promise to myself that before I turn a year older, I should go to a place I’ve never been before. Thus, Davao!

It was quite daunting—to be taking a solo trip in an unfamiliar land without so much even just of a hotel reservation—but the idea was to explore. And to explore I did, however, I also had an exploration done internally.

Don’t get me wrong, I enjoyed my solitude, so much that I developed a sense of recognition that no matter how I try to go with the flow of unprecedented events happening in my life, I will always doubt my purpose and existence. It is neither good nor right to question life, they say, but wouldn’t a little bit of assurance that everything will be okay in the end be nice?When I started sending a group message to my family telling them that I decided not to take my Civil Service exam and just go to Davao for the weekend, most of their reply was, “Who are you going with?” I told them I was going alone and I knew right there that they were scratching their heads with my impulsiveness.

They were so supportive, though, as they always were, and I am so blessed that they did not question my decision to travel by myself. 12366575_937335383024888_660567535_n My trip wasn’t even as courageous as it could have been—after all, I wasn’t literally by myself, or at least once I arrived in that isolated resort I booked few months before my flight to Davao.

The part that made me a little braver was, I am never a champion at being independent—because I always consult my Papa in every decision I make, except for this one. The question that kept bugging me even before I hopped in the plane was, “What am I doing with my life?”

Perhaps I was being paranoid, crazy and baffled even, but I reminded myself that the trip is an opportunity for me to reflect on life and enjoy my own company.Sometimes the best travel companion you can have is yourself, and I am a living proof of that scheme. Not that I hate company but giving yourself alone time, especially for an extended period, is a gift that you will eventually learn to relish, I’ve been told.

So while I was enjoying my profound solitude, I appreciated all my mishaps and misadventures. I thought I had my life figured out when I was 19, but at 21 (at the time of my trip), I realized that life does not really offer sugar, spice, and everything nice. That I have to work my heart out even if it means leaving my comfort zone just to pursue grander ambitions. That on top of an 8-5 job while consequently taking up a master’s degree, I should still make time with my close friends and family.

That I will always be terrified with the unknown, and that little voice inside my head will discourage me to nurture myself, but I will find a way to fight the scary thoughts away. Most importantly, I realized that everything takes time, I just have to wait. 12358378_937335389691554_414889491_n At 21, I was still not the woman I dreamt of when I was 19, but at least I am slowly getting there. Now at 22, I am continually empowering myself by unleashing the wonderful, irresistible, and maybe intelligent, smart, and witty person that I am which I have been neglecting in my everyday routine. 12388331_937335329691560_1782580067_n There is certain strength in being alone and life is so much better when you stop relying on others, except of course your parents, and start catching your dreams.

Photodiary: Tanap- Avis Falls

Published on January 17, 2016January 17, 2018 by Neyzielle RonnicqueLeave a comment

I was supposed to go back to the metro on a Sunday night but I was on my usual depressed state of not knowing where the dread was coming from. My decisions have always been spontaneous that I readily said yes to the first person who invited me to go out, which turned out to be my best friend, on that particular Sunday afternoon.What would you expect from an indecisive being that is me? Of course I did not go home; of course, I stayed up late thinking about life; of course, I spent my Sunday night blaming myself for all my mishaps; of course I was sad as usual.

Comes Monday, I woke up to the call of my other best friend asking me to go driving somewhere. I declined because I don’t know where our car was, and my brother’s Mio was with my Tito in Batac.

But he beat me with impulsiveness as I was getting my sanity in going back to sleep. Half-asleep, he told me to get ready because we’re going to Avis. I absentmindedly said yes to him and it was too late to take it back. He’s one to be afraid of when it comes to indecisiveness.

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I was so glad I went because when your best friend’s squad gets really impulsive, he asks and (with no choice) drives you to this breathtaking view. On our way, I realized that I have been there before with a group of friends that I cannot, by that time, remember.

Tonight, however, I can vividly recall who they are because most of them are members of a basketball team which my ex-boyfriend was a part of. I remember taking the same trail but with a heart that was more burdened than happy.

That time on a Monday, however, was different. The place is familiar, it was just that, the people I was with made the dread from the previous visit more bearable.

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My biggest regret was of not bringing extra clothes because I thought that I was the only girl in the group. Had I known that one of them is bringing a girlfriend, I wouldn’t mind taking extra hours swimming in the pristine waters.

I enjoyed taking photos, though.

The best friend, everyone. Uhm, yaaaas, he can be vain.

I did not enjoy, by all means, the first time I saw the place; I did not feel the adrenaline inducing this time, also, but it falls on my first adventure for the year, and I was with cool kids near my age, and there is nothing more fulfilling than that.

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As to how to get to this amazing place, you can drive (using your car and /or motorcycles) to the town of Bangui. Just beside their Municipal Hall, there’s a signage leading you to Avis Falls. Just take the only route going to the far-flung side of the town until you reach a dead-end (as of now) where you can see another signage telling you you’ve reached your destination.

From Bacarra, we drove by motorcycle to Bangui for roughly 35-45 minutes, depending on how fast you drive, I think. The guys did drive very fast, so to speak, to the point that I pinch my best friend’s waist from time to time because I was so scared.

The thrilling part is, one should hike for like 20 minutes to get to the falls. But being tired from walking and trying not to slip from the slippery trail of rocks and stones is nothing compared to what Mother Nature has in store along the way.

Watched how they enjoyed the place while diving here:

I hope I’ll have another adventure with these guys again soon. ~