This year has always been about reminding myself that if I was brave enough to start, I’ll thrive.

I oftentimes push myself to the very edge of my capacity whenever I wonder if I am worthy of the paths and tracks I decided to take in my life. My choices are endless, they are available at every turn, but I tend to take it all for granted and give in to self-destruction.

I wanted to create something different to open new doors for different results, but then 2020 happened. Everyday became a reminder that this moment right now is the only one there is, so even though life has been very chaotic and gloomy, I still have a lot to be thankful for.

Here’s 18 of the things I am grateful for as I turned another year older:

1. I have a complete and healthy family, and although we don’t always get along well, at least the love is always there.
2. I started a business (Neyziellewanders Travel Services), but since the pandemic affected the travel industry the most, I had no choice but to stop operations and try again next year, if God permits.
3. I came back to the province to work from home. This has been the longest I’ve stayed home since 2010.
4. I finally bought a car of my own. It’s a Red Hyundai Eon and I call him Nishinoya.
5. I am healthy and well. Although spirals come and go, I would like to believe I’m still thriving.
6. My parents are healthy and protected. Life may still be tough financially sometimes, but my parents are rockstars and fighters.
7. My Mommy Fe and Lola Daling (grandmothers) are still here with us. There have been many episodes of hospitalisations and doctor visits, but I always pray for their healing. May the Lord grant them more years to live.
8. I started painting again. Back to the love of different hues and abstract.
9. I went back to watching anime series, and I finally started reading manga.
10. I’ve found a Facebook page where I could buy second hand books in good condition. So I had collected books that I am not sure when to read.. again.
11. I am finally able to keep up with my monthly bills for life insurances and other life plans to future-proof my finances. These may not be the priorities of people my age, but nothing is more reassuring than knowing that my family won’t have to worry about finances when I get hospitalised.
12. I got a part time job as a Copywriter for a UK-based digital marketing company. My supervisors are cool and understanding. I have challenged myself for a night job and although it takes a lot of my time, I am learning.
13. My job as Information Officer III at DOST-ASTI is fulfilling and always challenging. My colleagues and mentors from the DATOS Team are always responsible and dependable.
14. My jobs help pay the bills. Since I came home, I had been paying for our electricity, Internet connectivity, and groceries, if need be.
15. I finally passed my thesis topic proposal to my adviser. I pray it gets accepted so I will be able to defend it and finally graduate from my Masters Degree.
16. I found a home church here in the province. Whenever I cam home for a vacation, I had to church-hop because I don’t have a church community here, but I finally found Church of God- Bani and I have been attending their services since I got back.
17. I have found a support group that consist of ladies that are so empowered I can’t help but to be grateful of Saturdays. I haven’t met most of them personally but the bond we have been having feels as if we have known each other for too long. I am grateful for these women of God.
18. Above all else, my family is free from Coronavirus. Mama and my youngest brothers are nurses, and they had to deal with people coming home from outside Ilocos Norte every single day, and I am grateful that they are always safe and well.

At 26, I have realized that the journey home to myself is the one that leads to the greatest sense of comfort and peace. Although I still overthink about things sometimes, I no longer have the energy to deal with things that are out of my control. I have also learned that as long as I can do things on my own, I will do it, but I’ll ask for help when it is out of my bounds. I remained strong on the thought process that the ability to ask for help is a strength and not a weakness.

I have learned to love and forgive myself on my shortcomings, and I celebrate just about the smallest victories because it is essential to my well-being. I tether my frustrations to doing what I love because it is easier to steady myself in the storm that way.

At 26, I solidified the thought that if I don’t go after what I want, I will never have it. So I move forward. The steps were small, and it hurt every time, but I don’t have to impress anyone but myself. Well, I always find excuses to not move at all, but life has been pretty chaotic that those excuses are the very reason why I push myself to doing things I had no idea how to start. It’s actually not impossible. Some things are just hard. I do them anyway.

Above all else, I learned that it’s okay to not be okay. It’s okay to say no. It’s okay to have different opinions than the majority. It’s always better to speak my mind and stand my ground. It’s okay to rest and grow.

I invested in myself, and that was the smartest decision I ever did, because not disregarding myself meant thinking about my fundamental welfare without the guilt of actually being called selfish.

I still do things the way I want them to, and I stopped caring about other people’s thoughts about me. I became more of me, because being myself is one of the most freeing things out there. I’m soaring.

I have no plans of giving in to society’s standards of happiness at 27, and I think that’s beautiful and at the same time, empowering.