Some days are dreadful, some days are just.. okay. Some days are happy, most days, though, are spent thinking about the uncertainties of the future. You think about the bad choices, insecurities, and seemingly endless catching up to the lives of people your age. It is outright tiring.

You think about your high school classmates getting married; or your childhood friend enjoying her wine in her own condo unit all because of that managerial position; or how your neighbor has been travelling to countries you only dream of going. Thinking about those things definitely cultivates constant doubts, so you remind yourself to be more open and actually go on dates, or work harder to be promoted, or save enough for your own house, for Tokyo and Bali. But it just doesn’t end there.

The insecurity gyre will just tighten, so you think about changing careers, applying for odd jobs abroad, or even consider going back to school for a master’s degree—anything to feed your delusional level of confidence; anything to remain consistently inspired and motivated. And just when you thought the stars are finally aligning for your dreams, another insecurity tic will pop out of nowhere. Then you are back to thinking about how slow your life has been. Back to square one, back to never-ending self-doubt, back to the pity-party you put upon yourself.

You will have trillions of breakdowns. You will have sleepless nights thinking about what could have beens. But who has not done the same at some moment in their lives?

You are completely fine. You don’t need to feel good about yourself every time. You are entitled to your own hurt and insecurities. You are free to feel bad about yourself. It is okay to feel lost and empty at the age of 26. You have your own pace, sweetheart. It may be slow, but it is the only way to survive.

You will, in one way or another, feel insane.. “and people only allow themselves the luxury of being insane when they are in a position to do so.” So please. Please do not lose your innocent vision of justice and career. Please do not let yourself get used to blaming your past bad decisions. Allow yourself to feel guilty and threatened, but please do not live with the guilt and threat for the rest of your life.

I pray that you no longer have to worry about pleasing anyone but yourself because you have your own pace. You have your own timeline and you will achieve your dreams soon because you can. I hope that you will go back to loving your passion, even if sometimes you fight with only that faint desire to live. Your soul is light, and you are radiant, and every decision you make—the good or even the bad– will matter in no time.

You are mature, experienced (wo)man who knows what she wants and is perfectly capable of making her own choices.

You have your own pace, sweetheart. Take it easy. After all, you are lovely.