This year has been tough yet full of life lessons.

The first month of this year was a blur. The drive to live from last year’s complete set of great things had gone as soon as 2018 started. Maybe because I went back to the status quo; back to the usual routine of work, travel, work + travel, and habitual book-reading and TV series watching. It was a pattern, and I so wanted to break free from it. I just didn’t have the willpower, or I spent my nights convincing myself that what I was doing was for the Filipino people. I should have left sooner, but I am still thankful that I didn’t.

It all became better when I was looking forward to my out-of-the-country trip with just my brothers. We went to Hong Kong, just after the Chinese New Year, and I hope I can take them to more countries with me soon.

I also went to Clark with my favorite girls and it was again a #FinallyFour moment.

March came and it was all pitfalls of dread and anxieties. It was the same, familiar edge of frustrations that are even more distinct with every day passing. I did not have any single drive to start writing my thesis proposal; I spent my nights dreading workouts. My everyday life did not change, but I was all over the Philippines, on a plane for twice every week, and it somehow put the misdoubts on hold.

Until that one time when I was in Davao. My friend impulsively asked me to go to Jakarta. I said yes without thinking twice, without knowing why she wanted to go. That same night, we booked our flight. Little did I know, I was going to a Kpop concert. And then there was GOT7.

My life changed for the better. I spent my nights watching their videos and Eyes On You concerts, and I was happy – really happy that I went to two of their concerts overseas, in Jakarta and even in Singapore.I

We spent 18 hours in Yogyakarta where we did our temple run so early in the morning. The place was so beautiful and serene, and I made a mental note that I would go back.

We flew back to Jakarta and we spent a day with.. just eating. And then we watched the GOT7 concert, and I swear that moment was infinite.

After just roughly a month, I went to Singapore to watch the same concert. I couldn’t get more of GOT7, I know.

On June, just after my last leg of Mindanao talks with Aboitiz Foundation, I decided to leave Project NOAH. Of course I had my reservations, but I did not make the choice. The management needed to let go of people. Funds were scarce, and I have bills to pay. I was wavering, torn between internal dilemma, but I knew, deep within, that it was my escape.

My former officemate asked me if I wanted to be a part of their information team, I said yes, and they told me to start as soon as possible, no interviews.

It was one of the good adulthood decisions I made this year. I became one of the information officers of the DATOS Project under the Department of Science and Technology’s Advanced Science and Technology Institute. My colleagues are cool and smart. The work challenge was renewed and learning from other team members was fun again. I *think* I get along well with my teammates, or this is just me being the people person that I am, and my being loud and talkative are doing their magic.

I promised myself in 2017 that I will focus on things that will make me better this year. I did not, I slacked off. I also said I will somehow stop traveling, I again did not stop. Instead, I found myself taking a solo trip to Japan and Korea. I self-healed, and spending that few thousands were all the more worth it.

Sometimes, the idea of being around people is too much for me to handle. It’s a part of my sporadic pendulum that’s why I don’t know what to feel about being extrovert yet introvert at the same time. I learned so much about myself & other people/cultures in my Japan and Korea trip. Because when I didn’t need to learn anything more, all I needed was self-trust and patience.

On that one-week of owning my much-needed alone time, my only option was to keep away from everything & everyone; to try to be in every way that I have been before. The result? I want to continue to be crazy, living my life the way I dream it, and not the way other people want it to be.

Perhaps I am always better that way.

Next year, I decided that as long as I was going to feel more of those anxieties, I might as well do the things I love thoroughly.

This year, I was also able to publish my research study. I presented it during a conference in Thailand last year.

I will be more active as a church leader, which I did not get to do this year because of my busy schedule. I will always convince myself to be the bigger person even if other people are mean and disrespectful. I will always be kind, even if others stay rude. I will always treasure every friendship I made, even if it isn’t any longer a two-way process because I will never be the one who doesn’t have the genuine heart. I will always be mindful of other people’s own problems, because I know the feeling of not being able to talk to anyone about anything that hurts. I will always be there for people, even if they don’t do the same for me.

But I will not tolerate rudeness and anything that is inconsiderate in 2019. I will stand up on things I believe in. I will speak if it is deemed needed. I will be more condescending if it means fighting for the people I love. It is all I could do to keep myself from falling backward.

2018 is full of heartbreaks from people whom I never thought would hurt me. Many doors closed, but more of them opened new opportunities, nicer people, and better life strings. 2018 is not my year, but I will leave all the dreads and frustrations with it.

I now declare that 2019 will be my favorite.

Yearend travel report.

Two new countries:

• Indonesia (Yogyakarta and Jakarta)
• Japan (Tokyo)

And four countries I went back to:

• Hong Kong
• Singapore
• Malaysia (Kuala Lumpur)
• South Korea

Local places I went for the first time this year:

SOCCKSARGEN: South Cotabato, Cotabato City, Cotabato Province, Sultan Kudarat, Sarangani; and I went back for the third time in General Santos City

Local places I went back to (aside from all over Luzon):

• Cebu
• Iloilo
• Tacloban
• Davao
• Cagayan de Oro

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I recently purchased my own domain and I promise to write more for this blog. I have so many backlogs dating back in 2017 and I will try to do all those contents in 2019.

Adios, 2018. I will not miss you but thank you for being good.