I asked you many times why, why are you suddenly leaving me? Why was it too soon? You said you did not want to hurt me; that I should focus more on things that would make me happier. So I did. But in a very suspicious turn of events, I saw a picture of you and your new girl, six days after you said we should stop. Six days.

I still had one more question the night we ended everything, but my guts told me that I was never going to like the answer, but I’m asking now to at least get this off my chest: Who came into your life first? Was it me? Or was it her? How long has it been going on between the two of you? Or had the universe just played some sort of cruel prank on me that it made me believe that you genuinely love(d) me?

I just wish it wasn’t you, you know. Because out of everyone in my life that could potentially break my defenses, it had to be you. It had to be the person who I promised to take good care of for the rest of my life; the person who never really experienced the love of parents growing up; the person who I thought was the sweetest thing alive. But of course, you had to be the one who broke my heart.

“I never wanted to leave you because I love you.” Ha, surprise. You left, and I’m sorry but this is not how you treat somebody you love.

When I met you again after how many months of not actually being involved with you, I said I was scared to start something with you. It’s because the universe taught me, and I’ve learned the hard way of how people love, and how they eventually, drastically leave. I was scared. But there you were, not promising anything but his life to me, so I dug in, albeit impulsively. All the warning signs came in late. They came after I could no longer stop myself from falling any further.

All you had to do was ask me to stay, and you knew, I would have. You know, after all you have done, I still spoke of you like you made my whole life so daringly easy and beautiful. But boy, I have already stopped lying to myself. All you did was break my heart.

For the past weeks, I was fervently praying for someone to take me back to the time when I hadn’t met you, let you in my life, and fell in love with your lies. So I could save myself from another form of heartbreak.

Of all the impulsiveness that I made before 2017 ended, you were the nightmare. My friends know that I’m still hurting and I’m not going to lie about that. Of course, it still hurts. I just got better at hiding it. I don’t really like saying goodbye because I just can’t let go of people easily.

But after all the sleepless nights I have wasted thinking about what went wrong, I suddenly came into a realization that you were not the one I was praying for. You are never the one God has made for me. And the message that keeps on moving me forward now is: A RELATIONSHIP BUILT OUTSIDE GOD’S WILL IS NOT WORTH IT. You are not worth it.

I hope you are happy and you got what you wanted, but why on earth couldn’t you have just been honest about it?

This is just a letter to let you know that I have finally let you go.