I saw a kid bullying another kid while I was on my way to UP today. I was so tired because I only had roughly 4 hours of sleep from the long weekend because of school requirements that I had to finish. I was also running late but still I approached them because this bully is obviously far bigger than the kid he was hurting. I told him to stop, he did and he ran as if he was afraid of me.

This boy (the bullied one) looked up at me teary-eyed. I told him it was okay, I told him to stand up for himself next time. I left burdened because I remember, I was a bully (Yes, it consequentially manifests sometimes).I absentmindedly walked to the IKOT terminal in Philcoa and I suddenly remembered what a pastor preached at church two Sundays ago. I murdered some kids’ self-esteem, I deprived them of their chances to grow.

I thought I am okay now that I have forgiven all the people who did me wrong from the past, but it dawned on me that I am not, because I still did not forgive the elementary kid me—the competitive, always the President of the class, leader of the pact, stubborn Alpha kid, that was me.

To all the kids I bullied and have wronged for when I was in elementary, I am sorry. I am not writing this blog post to justify what I did, I am writing this to wholeheartedly ask for your forgiveness. Because I am tired from struggling to find what has been bothering me, little did I know that it’s internal and no one’s to blame but me.

Sorry that I was the bossy one, sorry that I thought highly of myself. Sorry, I didn’t realize how much hatred I put into your hearts, sorry that I only became your ‘friend’ if others were bullying you, too. Sorry for the times when you tried to reach out for me and I was so distant because of my ego. I’m really sorry. I didn’t know what I was doing, I didn’t know you were hurting.

And to my friends who were caught between doing what I wanted them to do or staying neutral when it comes to my bullying plans, I am also very sorry. Thank you, though, for still standing up for me when the need rises. See, I’m still strong and always one of the boys. ~ *fistbump*

Sorry that I never said sorry when I had the time, sorry that it’s only now. I am so sorry. I know some of you will be reading this because despite of what I did to you, you still smile at me sincerely and tell me that I am inspiring you for what I am doing whenever we bump into each other. Thank you for remaining true to me at times that I didn’t return the favour.

Let’s catch up soon.

I thought it was fun to bully the people who seemed to be afraid of me, now, I realize that I was never happy, I was the one who is lonely.

To all the kids I bullied, please forgive me so I can finally forgive myself.