This is just one of the many times I hated myself for falling in love in a blink of an eye. I hate myself cos the first time I saw him since he left the country, it was as if I really am not from a heart break story.

Too many what if’s.

What if I shouldn’t have gone to other country?

What if I shouldn’t have saw him again?

What if I pushed myself into that five- year relationshit too hard like before?

What if he was not home on that break, and the other one’s too insistent and I was trapped like those of many times?

I hate that feeling.

I really wish that feelings are like books in a bookshelf; that when you are done with one, you put it back, and you can always go back and have that same good feeling of reading it again.

And yes, the other one is in the military and I thought they were taught about loyalty. What happened?

I have always been that girl who hides every negative thing with a smile.

But then some men are so insensitive that they think leaving a girl behind in exchange of another girl would make them any cooler.

Then disappointments.

But I’m getting there. I’m picking up the pieces . Cos can.

People ask me what happened? What the fudge really?

Here goes this way:

He saw you.
He wanted you.
He liked you.
He chased you.
He got you.
He had you.
He got bored of you.
He left you.
He broke you.

THERE I SAID IT.

People ask me why I act as if I am not broken.

I say, first, I am not broken, I am just disappointed. Second, they don’t know the feels I hide inside.

They don’t know that every night, I lay awake until midnight thinking of what did I do wrong to deserve two consecutive heartbreaks.

That they don’t know how hard for me to stop myself from visiting his Facebook profile just to send him a message and tell him I wanted to talk.

That they don’t know that I don’t know how to explain my side when in the first place he never gave me the benefit of the doubt.

That I still sleep at night and wake up in the morning thinking about him.

It hurts, just so, you reader, know.

But Dear humanity, I was not the one who got away.

I feel sorry for them because they dumped the girl who will never leave them.

Well, I am beginning to hate men.

Two months and I’m still hurting but definitely, yes, really, I will win this game, okay? Okay. 

I’m a strong woman, remember?

Give me more time, I’d be there. I’m getting there.